Finally figured it out late in life – an Asperger’s Job Search Story
My son is nearly 21yrs old and it is only recently that I’ve figured out that he could literally be the poster child for Asperger’s Syndrome (wonder if they need a model…). He just recently finished his 2nd year of college, and although he struggled greatly due to social problems in elementary school, we moved him from public to private school where the problems decreased a bit, and his grades improved dramatically. I’m not saying that the social “strangeness” changed. Let’s face it, kids with Asperger’s are always the oddball and usually the target of bullies.
He was tested for ADD/ADHD, etc.. when he was younger, but it was during a time when all of the counselors just wanted to label every kid with ADHD and put them on a pill. I was once completely against medicating my children, but if they came out with a pill to treat Asperger’s tomorrow… I would be the first in line!
We’re now looking for a job. I say “we” because he’s now making me frustrated. He applied for jobs via walk-ins, he’s had a single job that lasted all of 3mos his entire life – but he knows what he’s doing. The fact that he took his friend, younger brother, and cousin along with him while asking for applications was probably the first reason that any applications that he filled out were filed in the “circular bin”. The next knock against him was being dressed in heavy metal tee-shirts and putting no effort into his appearance prior to going out to ask for applications… and we’re not even going to talk about how long it took me to get it through his head that the employers are not obligated to call, interview him or tell him that they’ve decided on another applicant.
Talking on the telephone is another hurdle. Time and time again he has been told that the first thing he should do is introduce himself – it doesn’t matter if it is the person he is looking to speak with or the Pope on the other end of the phone, the first words out of his mouth should be “Hello, my name is….”. I cringe and make sure I’m not holding anything heavy to throw across the room because I can bank on the first words out of his mouth being “Who’s this” – after he is the one that dialed the call!
I am currently looking for information as to how to go about having him tested now that he is older. It was a really touchy situation trying to explain that I think he has a problem, but I was able to get him to agree to seeing people that could help him because they would have resources on finding him a suitable job. This really needs to happen, I don’t like the idea of him being labeled, but it is the only way to get him the services that are needed to help him.
It is so difficult being the parent of a grown child with this problem – especially after both of us have suffered through the battle of his social quirkiness for so long already. There is no way to give him constructive criticism without it sounding like I am bashing him, but as bright as he is (and he is very intelligent), he just does not have the capacity to realize that some of his behaviors and the things that he says are at times inappropriate, and now that he is older, I can honestly say that it sometimes makes him sound like he’s a real jerk.
If I can pass anything on from my experiences, it would be to allow your child to be labeled at a young age – these children can usually function on a normal to above average intelligence level and will not need special classrooms. However, the teacher will be empowered by knowing how to deal with things and it will also be helpful if the students in the childs’ classrooms are also educated on the condition because they will be less likely to tease a child if they know that there is a reason why the child sometimes does things differently and will be less inclined to ostracize your child.
Where are you located? I know services vary by state, so that might help someone point you in the right direction.
I’m in PA and actually work in the MH/MR field (I staff residential aides, mentors, etc..). If you could suggest a professional that actually does the testing, that would be great. My family doctor is great, but I’ve had mixed feelings about some of the specialists that he’s referred me to (totally unrelated condition) and I would much rather prefer some recommendations from people that can say “this doctor/therapist helped me”.
My younger son was evaluated for autism 2yrs ago through a counselor for Catapult (they service the elementary school). I really liked the way that he observed my son in class, etc.. but he was not diagnosed because of teetering on the edge of the spectrum. I am also going to have him retested.
We have a middle child with no problems at all with his social skills. My husband and I are both extroverts (I am moreso), and I think that may have a lot to do with my younger son’s results teetering on the edge. Because the boys are not shy, I think it helps them a bit with the social apprehensions, but it still does not change the fact that they both just simply do not have that filter to determine between what is acceptable or unacceptable, and both struggle greatly with eye, verbal and facial cues.
OMG! my sister sent me the link to this. I read it and sent her back this comment..”Holy Crap Batman, WHEN did I write that?!” Honestly that is EXACTLY our story! My son is 20 and I would love to discuss this with you, but I’m on my way out right now. Will check my email later, I included it at the top of this, I hope you get it!
I was preparing to send it to MY sister and had to double check it wasn’t written by her!
This is a link to a presentation that you may find helpful. It was done by a professional who specializing in helping people with Aspies find work. Hope it helps…
https://admin.na6.acrobat.com/_a839220836/p32146570/?launcher=false&fcsContent=true&pbMode=normal
Wow! I know how you feel…word for word and then every second, I have lived it over and over. My son is 20 and will be 21 in September. He is Aspergers, Bipolar and Epileptic; plus blind in one eye due to an injury when he was 23 months old.
His psychiatrist and psychologist
as a team did the testing and added the diagnosis. See his psychiatrist!
~gena~
Perhaps you can contact the VR (vocational rehabilitation) services in your area. Maybe they can help your son find a job, and even hire a job coach.